I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
