i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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