Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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