his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Drunk is a universal language darling
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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