at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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