She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
