And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
