i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you inspire me to be a worse person
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
