You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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