i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
