Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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