fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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