if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
