You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize