i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
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I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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