you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
