nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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