no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
