you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
