Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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