Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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