I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
