she smelled like a LAN party
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
