i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
