I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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