I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
