i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
