Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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