terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
