i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
