girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
