i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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