Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
