...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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