Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
