actually, I'm a sock model
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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