1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
