Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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