i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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