Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
