is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
