Jerry, you need to find god
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
