Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
