Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
