Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
