If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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