Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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