you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
