I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
