hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.