Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
