did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i've created a new STD.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.