I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.