The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background