my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz