If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list