I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
