I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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