I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize