I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
