I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
