I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
