Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
