Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
