Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
