oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
