I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
