Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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