I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
