Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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