I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
