i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
