i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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