I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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