I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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