The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
try to milk me bitch
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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