just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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