never play flip cup with pint glasses
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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