I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
