Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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