I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Someone came in the potted fern
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
