The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
