You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
