You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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