But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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