Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
