She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
